Phew.
I keep on thinking and thinking and thinking and thinking and thinking. Ever since I've read Don Miguel Ruiz' book, I never stopped. I like what I am feeling. I never thought it was possible to have this kind of peace. I used to worry about this. I used to think I was crazy. But I'm not. I just got sooo used to living with lies that I find it weird to live with the truth and reasons.
I'm a huge fan of the truth. But back when I was younger, I always lied. I always lied because I was so damned lazy. Laziness was my middle name. My uncles used to tease me Karla T which means Karla TAMAD (lazy in Filipino). So yeah, I grew up knowing I was lazy, embracing it and living it. I was truly lazy. I thought it was a bad thing until two days ago.
I was not lazy for no reason. I was lazy because I am practical. I was lazy because not being lazy didn't make sense to me. Lazy felt good. Lazy was easy. Lazy was good for me. Lazy required little of my efforts. Lazy doesn't require any consistency that bores me. Lazy was the BOMB!
Then it hit me.
I had really good teachers in grade and high school. There are Mrs. Cojuangco, Ms. Aragon, Mrs. Sabado, Mrs. Jimenez, Mrs. Merza, Mrs. Dizon, Mr. Cerezo, Mr. Inocencio, Mr. Punye, etc. My college life was better! All my teachers were great! Ms. Lupisan is the Dean I never thought could exist. Dr. Mendoza made sure we were disciplined enough. Sir Dan gave us all the love. Sir Buen stood up for what he believed was best for us even though everybody hated him for that. Mr. Araneta inspired us to be whoever we want regardless of where we come from. Dr. Racho made fun of us as he opened our philosophical beings. Ms. Bina was too caring to see the bad in anyone. Ms. Jam and Ms. Afable were the coolest! Both Miriam College Alumni: Ms. Jam chose to give back the care and understanding that her teachers gave her back when she was still a happy-go-lucky student; Ms. Afable, on the other hand, shared her love and her experiences of success through hardwork. Mr. Yuviengco, the reason why I created my first blogger account, did his best to relate to our generation and shared his realizations with his co-teachers. Dr. Anonuevo, who was a Palanca awardee for a Filipino work though she taught English, really amazed me much. I feel proud that I got to be taught by these great teachers. Mr. Toledo, also a Palanca Award(s) recipient, though he made my nose bleed all the time, never failed to impress me of his artistry and depth. Ms. Adame, the professor who didn't seem to have a funny bone, ended up to be my first favorite teacher in Miriam. She fooled us by pretending to be a terror teacher. I'm too lazy to write all of them because I'm to excited to move on. Anyway, I hope nobody gets mad for not being mentioned. I may not include the names of my other teachers but I definitely remember all the wisdom that came from their sacred voices.
It was late elementary and high school that I realized I could be an achiever. Credits to all my teachers (Of course, my parents were my 1st teachers and life guides). It was in high school that I realized I needed to clean my acts. It was in high school that I really started proving something. I thought I was a real slow learner. I have a weak memory. I sucked at history. I was lazy to memorize all the things that I thought didn't really have use in my life. I used to regret not being and making the best out of the early chapters of my life. I used to look down on myself and compare myself to those who really do good, get high grades and medals, attention, things they want, etc. I used to think I was nothing but a lazy daisy. Someone to be condemned for eternity. But I never gave up. I knew there must be something out there.
Although it wasn't easy being different, I knew I was on the right path. My life was a great challenge. My dad was very strict. As in, OA strict! Like NBI strict. I never really understood why he was over. I didn't know what was allowed to do and what was not. So, I played safe. People say I was an obedient child. But they don't know anything.
I wasn't obedient at all. I would lie. I would do things behind my dad's back (thanks to mom's consents sometimes. we ganged up on him, me, my sibs, and mom. harr harr dad). I was just being practical. I never understood my dad's reasons. My parents taught me to always be safe than sorry. So I waited. I tried to understand him. I tried putting myself in his position. This way, I'd know why he acts the way he does and reasons the way he does then i thought probably things might make sense.
My dad is a great person. He's the most giving person I'd ever known. He's just really misunderstood. I used to really hate my dad. He was really irritating. He's personality just sucked. He was always always mad for no reasons. I would hear people talk behind his back. Talking behind daddy's back was the normal scenario anywhere I go. People hated him. People avoided him. But people depended on him.
What I like most about my dad is that he takes responsibility. My dad taught me discipline. Serious discipline and practicality. He gave me my first serious book by Og Mandino. My mom, on the other hand, taught me unconditional love and to live life fully. She taught me how to be lazy and be happy. I tell you. I don't know how my parents liked each other. They are COMPLETE opposites. (Which is a really great thing! I got to see two totally different perceptions of things.) Daddy was the typical egotistical man and mommy was the typical martyr mom. I am the love child.
Moving on!
There came this time i think it was in 2004 or something that they really got into a big fight. We were on our way to Tarlac for Christmas day and the two were fighting like animals inside the car with me and my siblings inside. Gosh the DRAMA! I couldn't believe what I saw! My parents fighting in front of US! Instinctively, I entered the scene, you know like in the movies (it was sooo coool!). I shouted at them like Will you please stop! I felt like the superhero of the world! But of course, parents' ego, they got mad at me and continued fighting until my brother Jio cried. That was a huge smack on my parents' faces. They didn't want us to see that. Of course no one could blame them for being really mad at each other. They didn't talk things out with each other. My dad was the typical I will shut up so I pass the fight scene type and my mom was the typical I will say what I feel because I'm a woman type. So yeah. They had great communication. They hid nothing from each other. They argued with each other when needed and they didn't talk on each other's backs. The last three sentences are all lies.
This is just one drama you can witness in the family. If not for these kinds of dramas, I wouldn't be the person that I am now.
So I was lazy because of the drama? Ok, I'm lost. Anyway, the point is we all have dramas in life. I chose to fight! Dramas are challenges to be taken. I was physically lazy but my mind was not. All of us have lazy monsters inside us. Whispering, always. Others are lazy to act, others to think. While others are just lazy all over.
Laziness roots from somewhere deep. Laziness is not bad. Its actually a sign. An alarm. It signals us that something is wrong. I was lazy because things didn't make sense. I was lazy because I thought life was nothing but a series of tiring nothingness. When things finally made sense to me, I dropped the lazy attitude. It wasn't easy I tell you. Throughout high school and college I envied those who do and accomplish things without efforts. I thought I was such a LOSER because everything was sooooo hard for me.
I was a person of really bad habits. I was sooo lazy that I didn't have good eating habits, sleeping habits, taking a bath habits, not picking your nose habits stuff like that. It was sick! I couldn't even read for 30 minutes because I got used to staring blankly on books pretending to read so my parents won't get mad. I had to stay on watch of myself as i studied and read in college because whenever I let my guard down I ended up daydreaming and spacing out. Sheesh! Sucks for me.
So yeah. You parents and teachers! Don't be hard on your lazy children and students! They must be lazy for a reason. They are lazy because, maybe, something is not right. Things don't make sense to them. So let things make sense to them. Children do think. They have minds as (or maybe even more) powerful as yours. Explain things to them. They will understand.
Mimi understands me. Mimi is a dog, a 5 month old dog. If a dog can understand, how much more a human. Don't underestimate them because of their age. You don't know any better. You were a child once. You should know. Age shouldn't matter. I tried to understand so now I am understood. Now, my relationships are priceless.
Keep searching for answers yourself. Keep your ears open. If you're not happy, something should be wrong. If it doesn't feel right, something really isn't right. You should be happy. Happiness is the right thing.
Respect every life. If things don't work the way you want them to, then you should change the way you act and think. Stop doing things that have many times been proven wrong. Its by changing that we realize changes.
I'm just so grateful that things make sense to me now. I hope the same for everyone else.
Think about it. As you do, remember to start with GRATITUDE. ^_^
